15 Years On | September 11th | We Will Never Forget | 9/11

An event in history, that pulls at my heart strings year after year. Even now 15 years on, it never feels any easier..

September 11th 2001; I had been in year six (juniors), for a few days at this point. Because of this, lessons weren't really happening just yet and instead we had fun activities going on for our year. I remember the other two year 6 classes, were right opposite our class and on this particular day we were allowed to go from classroom to classroom as we wished, to take part in the activities going on in each room. One of the rooms across the hall still had the TV in it from the film that was on earlier that morning. As I head over to the room, I see a small group of teachers now gathered around the TV. That's when I got my first glance. I didn't quite understand what was happening and after about 5 mins when more pupils started to watch, the TV was switched off. When I got home from school, my mum had it on and only then did I realise what was happening. 
It's because of that day, that every time I step onto a plane I am terrified. The hours before my flight are filled with dread and the worst thoughts possible start running through my head. I'm not sure how, but I manage to force myself onto the flight.
Flying to a destination in Europe only takes a few hours. We usually have a morning flight and I purposely keep myself up the night before, just so by the time I'm on that plane and in my seat, I can't keep my eyes open any longer. Flying to America was different. From London to LA took just over 12 hours and I knew beforehand I wouldn't be able to sleep the whole flight. Fear started kicking in during the weeks beforehand and I went to my Doctor who thankfully, gave me a couple of valium's to take with me for the long flights.

Every year when the anniversary comes around, I feel a pain in my heart. Like a ritual I look through images on the Internet. Find myself watching all the documentaries and movies on the telly days before the 11th.

Every year I think about all those lives lost. All those poor innocent people who were going about their normal day, just like you and I. All the ones who by chance or maybe fate, were late to work, missed their flight, or for whatever reason; wasn't in the wrong place at the wrong time. The brave fire fighters, who risked their lives to save thousands from the burning buildings. Yeah it might just be a job to them, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve any praise! Over 300 of those "just doing their job" didn't make it out alive.

I found myself watching United 93 again last night. Seems to be another yearly ritual for me.
I know what happens. I know how it ends. I know how I end up by the end of it. And yet, I still watch it like I've never seen it before. By the time the writing comes up just before the credits, my eyes are flooding. I can't quite make out the writing from the blurred vision and my eyes are so sore from all the wiping.
Terry and I visited New York for the first time about 2 years ago. We stayed in Midtown, 36th Street; so was lucky to be right in the middle of the city. We jumped on the subway and headed to World Trade Centre PATH Station. The minute we started climbing the stairs out the station to get onto the street level, the atmosphere instantly changed. The air felt heavy and there was a sudden sadness all around. No longer stand two beasts side by side. Instead The One World Trade Centre towers over you as you look up.

The feeling when walking around the memorial area that day, was unreal. That pain in the pit of your stomach. The lump in your throat. Flashbacks to those scenes we've all seen on the TV before. Imagining the place covered in dust. All the people who suffered there. Seeing all those names engraved into the fountains, making it all so much more real...
Those feelings were on a normal, regular day. I can only imagine how it must feel like there today. 
If you lost someone, or know of someone who sadly passed away on that day; I am truly sorry for your loss. I am thinking of you today...

*All images (apart from the 15years on) are my own. Please do not use them without my permission.

Love Hannah xx
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